Eventually I knew that I would have to blog about this subject. Mostly because of my own personal experiences and trying to put things in perspective. I wrestle a great deal with the topic because I have seen and felt things that are beyond my five senses and conventional reason to be able to process. At times I knew these things were from God. Sometimes not. I sought after these experiences time and time again. Like trying to build a puzzle and having to find individual pieces through personal encounters with the Almighty. At times it seemed things got a little warped. I went a little too far. I see others seeking after the signs and wonders more than they are seeking after God himself. Unbalanced. Without perspective. On fire. Totally sold out. Obedience has nothing to do balance. I wrestle. I wrestle with God, with my self, with my spiritual enemy. This blog will probably have several parts to it. The first part will be my personal experiences which have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is still very active in this world and in our lives. These experiences will sound bizarre, and some might be unbelievable. Whether or not you believe what I'm saying actually happened is your choice, but I will be sharing actual experiences. Hopefully some perspective and clarity can come from my sharing.
March 2002...
I had been in a Drug and Alcohol program for about 5 months. It was a Christian program, Teen Challenge. The program bombarded it's inhabitants with scripture and Pentecostal (an Evangelical denomination that believes in Speaking in Tongues and the supernatural gifts) teaching. I had already committed my life to Jesus, a decision I made before I entered the program. I read the Bible faithfully and prayed often, yet never had any real break through. Was God really there?? I believed He was, but I had no evidence for my belief. My prayers seemed to be going unanswered. On one evening I was reading a book about Spiritual Warfare (The church vs the powers Satan, for those who are unfamiliar with this term.). Within the book was a confession, the 'Apostles Creed.' I confessed this out loud in my room and believed every word of it to be true, whole hearted. I put the book down and started to get ready for bed. All of a sudden I had a strange feeling building up inside of me. My belly felt like it was churning and I had a heightened sense of anticipation. Something is happening here. I didn't know quite what to make of it. I grabbed the book I had been reading and made for the chapel, which was kept open at night for the men there who wanted to pray. I walked into the room and looked around. There were two other men there who were quietly praying, as well. I went into the third pew towards the front of the chapel and sat down. This feeling was building up inside of me even greater than before. I opened the book and then I heard... "Put the book down( not audible, but like a clear voice in my mind)." All of a sudden I felt as though my whole body had been enveloped in the presence of something powerful, something that loved me, and something that was so holy it was almost terrifying. I truly had a sense of all of my guilt of how disgusting a person I had become and within moments my guilt was completely wiped away. I was sprawled out onto the pew. I felt as if I could not move even if I wanted to. I was held captive by love and mercy. I began to weep uncontrollably. I began to say over and over again "I know, that I know, that I know..." The presence then began to become lighter. I felt like I could move again. My eyes were still tear filled as I stood up singing the praise song "Jesus, lover of my soul." I looked around and I knew my life would never be the same. I had been transformed. I had encountered the Almighty and my life would be His now.
Two weeks later...
I still had exhilarating sensations for the next two weeks. My roommate told me that I was starting to speak in tongues. Sounded like a repeating da, da, da, to me. I really didn't think too much of it. Yet one night in particular I would have an experience that would shake my world, quite literally. I remember that I was dreaming, in the dream a certain girl from my past was talking to me, just like old times. Then she paused and said the words, "Shak(my old nickname), you can not tell people what you have experienced, they do not know the difference between the flesh (natural life) and the spirit (spiritual life)." I found it a bit odd that she would mention this. Then I asked, "How do you the difference?" She stopped and looked at me with an aggressive look in her eye. "I asked you question, how do you know the difference?" Suddenly, the dream just ended. Then out of nowhere I felt two large hands grab my shoulders and began to violently shake me up and down. I opened my eyes, I was awake at this point, and looked up to see nothing shaking me. I was being driven up and down into my mattress by something I couldn't see. I nearly wet myself I was so terrified. I whimpered out the name Jesus and it let me go. Just like that. As soon as I said "Jesus" it stopped. I still felt the presence of something evil in my room. I pulled my covers in tightly and remained as still as possible. Eventually I fell back to sleep. It must have been some sort of demon. Who is going to believe me I thought...
... another week later I was awaken by clogged nasal passages. I got out of bed and walked over to the dresser to grab a tissue. Then I felt it again. That dark sinister presence was in the room again. It literally felt as though it sucked the air out of my lungs I was so terrified. I leaned up against my dresser and felt as if I couldn't speak. Just then my roommate who was in a dead sleep sat straight up in bed and shouted "IN THE NAME OF JESUS GET BENEATH MY FEET!" He layed back down and continued so sleep. Immediately the presence was gone. In it's place was a sense of peace and safety. I told my roommate about the experience the next morning. The crazy thing about it was that he was having a dream similar to the one I had the week before and that's when he shot up and rebuked the demon. He thought he was dreaming the entire time, I told him different. Till this day I have never encountered something quite like that, but I know "they" are out there.
Prophecy and my mom...
I graduated Teen Challenge and moved on to Y.W.A.M (Youth with a Mission). It was a missionary training, para-church ministry (a mouthful, I know). While there I was attending an 'Apostolic' (Pentecostalish) church and a 'prophet' came through by the name of Bill Yount. He was rather distinguishable because he had a rather large goiter on his forehead. He spoke with great authority and power. He prophesied over things that were to come. I had heard prophecies before, but none quite like this. Most prophecies I had heard up until this point seemed like vague biblical language that were used as words of encouragement. Bill came up to me and prophesied that God was preparing my parents hearts to receive the Gospel and that I had to be faithful in aiding their progress. The next day my mother was hospitalized with kidney failure. The doctors really weren't sure if she was going to make it. I prayed. I held on to the word I received the day before, but it seemed like it could be hogwash at this point. I entered into the second faze of my training out in Southern Colorado. My mom still wasn't doing well back in Allentown. I hadn't shared with anyone there at the Colorado base what was going on with my mom. One night, during a time of prayer and worship a man named Mike walked up to me and whispered into my ear, "Your mom is going to be just fine, God's got this." I looked at him and was completely dumbfounded. I rushed to the closest phone and called my mom and she answered groggily. I forgot that it was 11:00 at night back in PA, while only 9:00 in Colorado. I was just too excited. I said "Mom, your going to fine! I got a word from God, your going to be fine." The next morning her doctor said there was a significant decrease in the creatin (toxin that the kidney's remove from the blood). Her kidney's were starting to do their job again. After I graduated Y.W.A.M I came home for six months. My father was born and raised Catholic, so he thought he knew about God already. My mom was open to the idea of doing a nightly Bible Study. My dad joined in reluctantly at first. Within a few months both of them rededicated their life to Jesus and began serving in their local church. To this day they continue to walk with God. It all started with a prophetic word and it bore fruit.
To be continued....
